Ohhhhh! This isn't at all what I thought I would post today. I have a house update for you. But for now you're going to be privy to my first-thing-in-the-morning thoughts for today. Here goes.
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Yesterday was fun. Brian and I took the day, our anniversary, to be tourists in our own city. We visited the aquarium, Titanic exhibit, went window shopping. I savored one very pricey dark cappuccino truffle (worth every penny), and we ate at two restaurants.
Sea creatures are fascinating in ways different than others of the animal kingdom. Maybe it's because they live in an environment so unlike our own. Totally under water. All the time.
They are beyond graceful in their movements, even the creepy ones. The little octopus held me captive, staring at it for the longest. Yet, at the same time I shook off the willies that sent chill bumps up the skin of my back. How can something so repelling be so alluring at the same time?
I touched a starfish and a couple sea urchins. They were stiff. I thought they would have some give, like play dough or a pin cushion. The way they move in their habitat gives a different impression of how they feel to the touch.
Uh oh - am I like the starfish and sea urchin? Having the appearance of being approachable, do I give an invitation but have a rough, even prickly surface when people get close enough?
I'm afraid I do this. There is a protective coating around my heart, an outer layer to my personality in order to keep a distance.
But, why? I haven't been abused. There is no dark secret lurking in my past.
I wear the badge of the introverted proudly. But seriously, if this keeps me from allowing contact with people God would have me minister to, then what is this? A badge or a suit of armor? A white picket fence or a ten-foot privacy wall?
No, it is an excuse.
At our Bible study on James we discussed favoritism. The curriculum described favoritism as picking and choosing who we will give audience to. Like a king who requires people to bow prostrate before him, face down on the palace floor until he chooses to lift their face. Or not. A person could lay there all day and night, get walked on, and passed by without being acknowledged by the king. They never get the opportunity to bring their issue to the attention of their king because he doesn't choose to see them.
What makes one person worthy
and another not?
Do I do this?
I am ashamed.
So, I approach the throne of my King and lay prostrate before Him ready to beg forgiveness. But this King on mine does not leave me lying on the floor. This King does not step over and ignore me. This King, my example, lifts my face so I can look into His eyes of forgiveness, mercy, and grace.
He lifts my head, picks me up, sets my feet on solid ground and commands me to do the same.
Show love. Be merciful. Be one who will lift the face of the person He puts before me so they can see Him in me.
But You, O Lord, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
Psalm 3:3 NASB